Always On That Grind

I've been working full-time (sometimes more) lately so I haven't been able to write as much. But I am still going to write no matter what. Even if I'm tired. Even if it's just a short little blurb or phrase. I won't give up on this. I am determined to keep going. And when I have free time, I can focus more on it. I'm still trying to find that balance between work, family, personal life, hobbies, and my dream. I have always set aside my writing and hobbies because of work and such but I am making it a point to make time for what I love for me.

Have I mentioned that I'm a planner nerd too? I've been working on a system to help organize my time better and more efficiently and to help hold myself accountable for the habits that I want to get into (i.e. saving money, practicing piano and guitar, writing in my blog, keeping up with social media for my blog, etc.) 

I'm working on improving myself even further. Though I am happy with who I am in general, I believe that there is always room for improvement. :) I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go. Much love.

You Can't Scare Me Off

You can't make me quit
I've been through more than you know
I'm tough as nails
And my strength will soon show

I won't be shut down
I can't be shut out
I'll prove how much I can handle
I'm gonna shed your doubt

The future and the past

What is today?
Yesterday's tomorrow
Tomorrow's yesterday
But tomorrow is always a day away
Tomorrow never comes.

Crafting

So, along with writing and music, I love to craft. I love making things that are unique and special. I'm not really the best at it but I try and I have a lot of fun with it. But that's the beauty of it, as long as you have fun it doesn't matter :)

Reflecting

I like to write a lot. Obviously, right? And I'm the type of person who likes to look back at things. I reread old messages, old journal entries, old poems. Some of the poem/lyrics posted here are older ones that were never made public and that were just sitting in my notebooks. It helps me to reflect. It helps me to reevaluate. I like to think that every life has purpose and I believe that writing is one of mine.
I also like to reflect on things that other people post on social media. Though I do believe that we, as a society, could use some disconnecting from time to time, one of the major pros of social media is that it helps to express how we feel. And it also shows us that we are not alone in how we feel, there are others who can relate. And I feel like that is such an important and powerful thing. 
I hope that by sharing my writing and my thoughts that I can show someone that they are not alone. That our thoughts and emotions are what can bring us together. Much love! 

Fantasy

I'm living a fantasy 

And I can't believe 

That after all this time

You'd come back to me

I never thought 

That you'd understand

What I knew all along 

Now you're holding my hands

Chorus: And I fall into you 

You reeled be back in

I wrote you off

But here we are again 

Now I'm ready to see

Where this thing will lead

Can't wait to find out

How good it can be

So don't let me down

Don't make me regret 

I may forgive 

But I'll never forget

I'm trusting you 

To take care of my heart

I'll take care of yours

I was yours from the start... Chorus

No Looking Back

I want to move forward
Can't keep looking back
I wish I could see
Where I'll end up at

But I'll never know
If I don't take a chance
I need to let go
I need to relax

I can't keep ending up
Right back on square one
I don't want to repeat
I want to move on

You Don't Fool Me

You may think everyone's fooled 
But I already know your game
You act like you're so different
But you're lies are all the same

You play like you're so innocent
Like you can do no wrong
But I can tell you now
That won't last for very long

You don't fool me sweetheart
You never really did
Your act is so transparent
Who are you trying to kid?

You try to shrug it off
And turn the tables back on me
But it doesn't really matter
The truth is easy to see

You don't fool me sweetheart
I can see right through your lies
You can try to hide behind them
But I see through your disguise 

Regret

I regret that I hurt anyone
But I don't regret the choices I made
I regret that I can't change the past
But it made me who I am today

I regret that I've been selfish
But I have to look out for number one
If you lived what I have been through
What do you think you'd have done?

I regret that I don't let it out
That I don't express how I feel
I regret that I just lash out
But I know that my emotions are real

I regret that I took so long
To finally believe in myself
But I least I have the strength now
To know when to ask for help

I don't want to live with regrets
I want to live life and not look back
I can only keep moving forward
When I learn to accept the past

Missing

I get so attached to people sometimes. I miss people very easily and quickly. If I don't see someone for a few days, I start to miss them. Sometimes I get used to it, sometimes I don't, and it generally depends on who it is that I'm missing. If it's the person that I'm dating, I miss him within a day. Friends I usually miss after a few days to a couple of weeks depending on how regularly I normally see them. Family is the same. 
After a few weeks of not seeing someone, it starts to feel normal. I start to get used to missing them so I tend to "get used to it". But I never actually stop missing them completely. Am I the only one? I feel like I tend to miss people before they have a chance to really miss me. I feel like I'm always the one missing people and that they can so easily forget me and are easily used to not seeing me. I know that this isn't necessarily true but sometimes it can feel that way. This is why I feel like I'm too clingy or needy. Like I'm overly emotional. But again, I know this isn't necessarily true and that I'm not the only one. 
I mean, I do enjoy being alone and a lot of the times I prefer it. A lot of the time I NEED to be alone because I get so drained from being around people that I need that solitude to recharge. I get very particular about who I spend my time with when I feel drained. I know I'm not alone in these sentiments. But sometimes it's nice to let it out :)

What Do You Believe?

When you have all this information
All the opinions you receive
But there's a lot of contradictions
So what do you believe?

Don't believe the propaganda
It's what they want you to see
Don't believe the advertising
There's a cost to being free

They can twist the information
Statistics can say whatever
They want to get reactions
They don't want us to get together

They don't want us to be educated
We should do just as we're told
They shut down all the nay sayers
There's a price to being bold

But trust your judgment, trust your gut
Don't believe the lies they spew
Because if you don't stand for something
They will try to control you

Trust Me

Hold me close

Close your eyes

Inhale deep

Lay by my side

Feel my shaking

I will be fine

Look harder

And you will find

The scared creature

Trying to hide

I must face the fear

It will subside

I have a past

And so do you

I never know

What is true

I can't forget

What I've been through

I will move on

It's in the past

This wretched fear

Cannot last

Just hold me close

I'm fading fast

Destiny?

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you had made different decisions? Do you believe in fate? I feel like it's a little of both. Decisions and fate. There are so many things that we can't control. But we choose how to react.

Disclaimer: Photos

None of the photos that I post with my writing belong to me. I just do google searches for some relatively generic images. Photos belong to whomever created them. I do not claim them as my own.
The writing however, is all me. :)

Don't Let Them See

I have to hold it back
I have to keep it in
Can't let them see me weak
Can't let them think they'll win

I feel it welling up
I feel my chest compress
My hands begin to tremble
My thoughts are all mess

My eyes will start to water
My heart will start to race
My breathing will get heavy
And they'll see it on my face

I can't let them see my tears
They'll take advantage of my pain
I can't let them know I'm hurting
Or they'll make me hurt again

Working for a Living

Though I am grateful for a job, especially knowing that some people aren't lucky enough to have one, it can definitely be tiring. I need to learn better time management so I can still tend to chores and also still have a personal life and enjoy my hobbies (specifically my writing). It's been a while since I've worked so many hours so consistently but I will get used to it and have more of a balance. At least I hope so lol. But I know I'm truly lucky and blessed to be able to do what I love in my free time and still get by financially. I have many people to thank for that, namely, my family. If it wasn't for their help, I would be homeless and without a car. Much love to them for that. Now if I can just find the balance with my time I will be golden. :)

It's Hard to Be a Woman

It's hard to be a woman
No matter what your race
Those girls can be so cruel
Yet so sweet to your face

You carry the weight of the world
And have to do it with a smile
You give someone an inch
And they want to take a mile

You help out everyone
You always show you care
And you have to look great all the time
Perfect clothes, and face and hair

You have to deal with double standards
That are out of your control
No matter how hard you try
You'd have to sell your soul

But women have the power
We hold more cards in our hands
And we can rise up to the top
And take on full command

Floating Down the River

I just spent the day floating down a local river with my family. It was definitely a good time. I just wish the water wasn't so shallow in the areas where the current was stronger cause it was easy to get scraped up by the rocks at the bottom. But all in all, we had a good time. I got a decent workout in propelling myself down at the parts where the current was slow. Family trips are always a good time. There's always some form of drama but when is there ever not when you have a lot of people grouped together for long periods of time? At least we have fun as a whole. Maybe next time we'll bring kayaks. 

Play the Victim

You never say you're sorry
You act like it's ok
Like what you did was justified 
In some back asswards way

You turn it all around
And play the victim now
It's everybody else's fault
You're innocent somehow

But just remember this one thing
Even if what you say is true
Every time you try to point the finger
Another one points at you

There's two sides to every story
There's never just one to blame
So stop making accusations
Stop playing this childish game

Your excuses will get you no where
Just own up to when you've done
Just apologize for your mistakes
So we can finally move on

Trapped In Between

This is an older poem/lyric that I tried fixing. I like the general idea but I can't seem to get the wording quite right. :

It happens every now and then

People I know start to fight

It puts pressure onto me

Because I'm not sure who's right

I'm caught in the middle

Trapped in between

Do I have to chose?

Does anyone really win?

It's nor fair to me

To make me chose

No matter what

I'll always lose

Why can't I stop it?

Who's side do I take?

They'll never like 

The decision I make

I'm caught in the middle

Somewhere within

The midst of this battle

With everyone trying to win

Don't get me involved

This isn't my fight

It's not up to me

To determine who's right

Apologize

I know it may not mean much
But I want to apologize
I never wanted to hurt you
But we couldn't keep living a lie

I wanted to let you know
That you were so good to me
But I couldn't be with you anymore
We just weren't meant to be

We gave it all we had
But it just wasn't enough
I wanted it to work
But it shouldn't have been so tough

I want to thank you for everything
When I needed you, you were there
And thanks to you I've learned a lot
You have so much love to share

I hope you don't lose faith in love
One day it will be true
I hope you can be happy
I want the best for you

The Monster

I'm running for my life
I can't see where to go
I'm running out of time
It's too late, it knows

It knows what makes me shiver
What chills me to my core
It can sense my muscles quiver
It hungers now for more

I wish that I was stronger
I wish I could be brave
But the fear has stolen everything
There's no one left to save

I can no longer fight it
This thing has taken claim
I'm no longer who I used to be
Don't call me by my name

I once was so afraid
But now I have embraced it
The monster that's within
I've finally come to face it

Not Perfect

Shatter the defenses
Tear down those walls
Don't want to let up
I'm too scared to fall

I can't do anything right
I just want to make them happy
But I can never be perfect
Though that's all I want to be

Let go of all those fears
It's ok to be wrong
When everything goes south
I need to just stay strong

I can't always be the best
All that matters is that I try
I can't always be the right one
But that's no excuse to lie

Learning from what I live
Can't let the small stuff get me down
I'll keep that smile on my face
And keep good friends around

Catchy Tunes

I realized that I love songs with the word "Dance" or "Music" in the title. They always have the most catchy rhythms. I hope to someday write a song that's just as catchy as the ones I love to dance to. You know, a song that you just can't help but get stuck in your head and move to the beat. If you want a fun song to dance to check out "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon or "Better When I'm Dancing" by Meghan Trainor. Those songs are my favorite to bust a move to lately. They definitely cheer me up when I'm feeling down and get me motivated when I need it. One day I'll write a song just as catchy. :) 

My Muse

You inspire me
More than you even know
You never stifle me
You always help me glow

My fire burns so brightly
Especially around you
When I need a little boost
I consult you as my muse

I can't trust my brain
It doesn't understand me
I just follow my heart
Because my heart is the key

But I do believe in you
You help me to be better
I'm lucky to have you
I'm so glad we're together

The Illusion of Nature

Going deeper into the woods
We escape from the modern world
Older couples within the picnic areas
Sitting at the red picnic tables
Younger couples with their golden retrievers
Staying within the fenced area
Deeper in we go, veering off the man-made path
Following instead the deer path
Going through all of the trees
We find the river and see the family of ducks
For a moment we are lost in the beauty
The illusion is shattered the moment
We see the telephone tower that appears broken
We stay for a moment, ignoring the tower
And as the sun goes down we walk back to the car
Listening as the squirrels scurry away
Stepping on some crab apples and plenty of leaves
Coming back to the picnic tables, back to civilization

Updates

So , it's officially been one month since I started this blog. How the time flies! I never expected it to get the kind of traffic it has so far but I am definitely thrilled and grateful for it. I will do my best to post good content everyday. I'm not giving up this time. I refuse to. Thank you everyone for the interest and support. I hope one day to hear a song I've written on the radio. I'm hoping within the next couple of months to start adding music to my lyrics and post it. My singing isn't the greatest but I hope the songs themselves shine through. I'll make it a goal to have at least one recorded song on here by October 6th, 2017. I'm so excited!

"No Soldier, Say Bye"

This is in the style of  "No Woman, No Cry". It is an imitation but I came up with the wording:

No, soldier, say bye
No, soldier, say bye
No, soldier, say bye
No, solder, say bye
Said-said-said: I can't tell you all the pain you'll feel
When you leave your wife and kids at home
Behind that salute you must conceal
The fear that you have of never coming back
No place like home, oh nowhere compares
To all the love
But with your oath you must give it all away
So don't look back my friend
No, soldier, say bye
No, soldier, say bye
You must give up your life, you can't stay
No, soldier, say bye
Said-said-said.
I can't tell you all the pain you'll feel 
When you leave your wife and kids at home
And you can see the feeling alone
And you can hear them crying; you're gone
And you fear that they won't need you
Out of sight, out of mind
That they'll never want to see you
As if their hearts have gone blind
Cause while you're gone, they're home
They won't remember who you are!
They won't remember who you are!
They won't remember who you are!
They won't remember who you are!
No, they will not remember who you are!
The won't remember who you are!
They won't remember who you are, soon,
They won't remember who you are!
So, go soldier, say bye
No, go, soldier- soldier, say bye
Man, my only brother, don't turn away'
No, soldier, good-bye

Best Part Of My Day

Wake up in the morning
And I just want to stay in bed
I've got to go get ready
But I'd rather sleep instead
I was dreaming about you
And when we had our first date
And what we will do in the future
You know I cannot wait
Every single day
I look forward to you
Count down all the hours
To help me to get through
The days feel so much longer
When you're not by my side
But baby when I'm with you
The time just seems to fly
You're the best part of my day
Everyday

If It Helps You Sleep At Night

You think you know it all
You think you know my flaws
You have your on presumptions
On what is right or wrong
You never even asked
You gave me no defense
I was doomed from the beginning
In regards to your judgment

Chorus: If it will make you happy
I will take all of the blame
Even if I were to tell the truth
The result would be the same
I will bear all of the curses
They don't hurt me anyway
Cause I know what really happened
I know I'll be ok

Preconceived notions
Will rarely fade away
But if that's what you believe
It won't change with what I say
I'll make it easy for you
I won't put up a fight
I'll go along with what you want
If it helps you sleep at night

Better With You

I don't want to say I need you
I was fine before you came
Can't say how much I want you 
Or how I'll never be the same
I was content before
I didn't need to be with you
But the more that you're around
The more I want to see it through
I can't describe what you're doing
Or how much you've changed in me
I thought I was ok before
But your sweetness made me see
How much I want you in my life
And how much better I could be 

Lucky

I think I underestimate how lucky I am. I get so caught up in what I don't have that I forget about what I do have. I have more than I realize sometimes. I'm truly blessed. While my life isn't perfect by any means, it could always be worse. And I still have quite a lot to learn. I will never stop learning. Just gotta keep on keeping on. Like my grandfather always used to say, it's either good or a good experience. It's all about perspective. Choose happiness.